Monday, August 1, 2011

Secrets

One thing you should know at the start is that I'm really, really bad at keeping secrets.  I think it's why I'm so open and straightforward; it's too hard for me to be any other way.  I also don't like having secrets kept from me so somehow think that if I just share all then maybe the openness will be reciprocated.  It rarely is.

The longest secret I think I ever kept was my pregnancy with Kellen.  Other than my mom and dad and a couple of people at school because of my working conditions, I think we kept it a secret from everyone else until twelve weeks when we graduated from the fertility specialist.  I remember thinking then what a miracle it was that I had made it so long without talking.

I think Kellen is probably the longest secret I'll ever keep because this time I only made it seven weeks.

Yep, you got the subtext.  I am pregnant, with what Kellen has affectionately called the baby whale (though who can blame him; the ultrasound does look a lot like a whale, and quite frankly I feel a lot like one right now).  We saw the baby and the heartbeat today, and even though I know that miscarriages still can happen, the risk is low enough that I decided to start sharing (partly because I'm going to a conference with a bunch of bloggers this week and going to one conference without being able to talk about why you're hanging out with the toilet more than the other attendees is enough!).

If you've been reading this blog for a little while (or a long while I hope!), you know I kind of had baby fever a month ago.  Because of the Lyme, we didn't know if it was a good idea to carry a baby, and we were researching surrogacy options with the hope of figuring out our plan by the end of the year.  I joked with my Lyme doctor that this surprise was my way of not having to make a decision because, quite frankly, I didn't want to have to make that choice.

So here we are.  I have a lot of thoughts on the pregnancy and how it's forced me to relive a lot of the fire, but I will save those for a later post.  Today is just about being excited about adding to our family with Baby 2.0.

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