Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Frame of reference

Last night I went to the Indigo Girls concert at the Botanical Gardens with a group of other moms I've recently met. The night involved a lot of laughter (and a little bit of shushing), which was great.

I knew I needed to go to the concert because creating new memories is really important to me right now (hence the month o fun!). As we were sitting around laughing and talking I realized how difficult it is to have a conversation with anyone because of my frame of reference. All I can relate to is the fire.

Conversation about music? My thoughts are immediately about the fact that I was glad my iPod was in my purse so that I still have some music. Bring up car rides? I think of the fact that all of my CDs are gone and that my older model car doesn't have an iPod connection to get off my music. Mention getting a t-shirt from the concert? Yep, my thoughts are of the t-shirts I used to have.

The problem isn't that I lost my memories. Those are in my head. I lost all the things that connected me to those memories. And it makes me reach that much harder to create new memories, tangible post-fire memories that I can cling to so that the next concert I go to I think about how much fun I had at the last one rather than how even then it's a reminder of the fire.

(And a footnote post- if you happen to be having a conversation with me and I seem quiet or I do bring up the fire, know that this too will pass. In the same way that I can't relate to you right now, I understand you can't relate to that. But laughter, we can all relate to laughter.)

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