One of the most difficult things for me about PTSD is my dreams. I don't remember the last time I had a good dream, and more often then not there is a fire in them. Now that Kellen is sleeping through the night, I am still sleep challenged and wake up from fear. It's one thing to work on your conscious thoughts during the day and try to shape them. It's quite another to be able to control your dreams.
Last night we were making dinner, and Dan was cooking chicken. He used to work in a kitchen, so he uses pan flipping techniques instead of a spatula. We have a gas stove, which causes me stress pretty much every time it's on, and I wish that we would have thought of this before and gotten an electric one. Everyone has told me they are so much better, and I am hoping that once I am through this, I can appreciate my stove for what it is. Anyhow... Dan was flipping the pan, and he dropped a piece of chicken into the fire, and it causes the flames to grow. To me, it looked like it was bad enough to start a fire, and I suppose if a piece of paper were nearby, it would have. I had Kellen and we were running out the door. Apparently it wasn't that big of a deal. I was pretty shaken though, and Dan's stoic response makes me think that he doesn't really understand this fear I am experiencing.
My first dream last night was of the stove getting out of control and causing a major fire. I don't know what I'm supposed to do to stop having these dreams, but they are absolutely horrible.
Grey's Anatomy has been doing some episodes on PTSD (and the nightmares associated with it), and I have read that they are going to explore it more in coming episodes. I'm thinking of doing something about PTSD along with that because I think it's important to understand. I also think it's important to differentiate post-traumatic stress, which so many of us have endured, and PTSD, which takes on a much more debilitating grip on life.