I feel like I have been "burned" many many times in the last three months (today is the three-month anniversary of the fire).
I broke my toe several weeks ago. That was really bothering me until my face became paralyzed. That consumed me, and the pain in my toe was forgotten. I tend to worry excessively, so of course I worried that the palsy was more than just that even though I am getting better each day (my eyebrow is moving today- it's a big deal for me!). Yesterday I got some news that some test results came back abnormally, so I have to go get that checked out in mid-December. This newest challenge has made the worry of the palsy almost disappear. The palsy is temporary, and I will fully heal. Amazingly, the abnormal results have calmed me down. I feel like I am being forced to let go of control. As much as I struggle with my faith, I do believe in something greater than myself, and I believe that whatever that power or energy or being is has not failed me.
A friend told me that she still believes we are not given more than we can handle. I have questioned that in these last few weeks. But she is right. Even with all of these challenges, I get out of bed every morning and I live my life the best way I can. It may not be the best, and I may not always think I can make it, but I live it.
We are leaving on Friday for San Diego, a chance to sit by the water, get some perspective, and hopefully heal a little bit. I think the change of scenery is necessary to our health. I will try to still post as much as I can, but it might be a little less frequently.
Today I am thankful for:
* Eddie Bauer selling "normal" clothes. As much as I've been a faithful patron of the Gap for many many years, I am not happy with them when they try to be trendy as they have this year. But Eddie Bauer has normal shirts and sweaters, and they are actually really nice for the holidays.
* Pretty wrapping paper. I'm kind of obsessed with wrapping presents and can't wait to have a wrapping station in my craft room.
* Movement in my eyebrow.
* Vision. I can envision my house as it will be when I move in. I can envision next year's Thanksgiving, surrounded by friends and family, and next year's Christmas with the tree in the entry way (yes, we've already discussed where it will go). I can envision my hydrangeas blooming in a year and the view from my craft room. And I can envision my life beyond this. I will survive this. And in surviving this, my life has new purpose. That vision keeps me going.