Monday, September 8, 2008

Two Weeks

Two weeks ago, I woke up to my first day of teaching at a new school. I was rested, and my day was busy and productive. I was preparing my classroom for a great year and along the way getting it ready for my maternity leave in October. Dan made my breakfast as he has had to do everyday during this pregnancy to keep me from getting sick (yes, still getting sick in the third trimester). I had a massage that afternoon and came home to find the house without my dog or husband and a little panicked. When they returned, we uncharacteristically left the dog inside, and we left to get dinner and run some errands. It was so normal. That day feels like a lifetime ago.

Now we have a new normal, although it still doesn't feel right. I teach as best I can. It is returning to normal, but it is still not what I planned. I come home and sort through piles of donated clothes. I go to the store to buy the things I need and try not to break down over losing simple things like a spatula (I found the one I used to have, by the way, at Fred Meyer. It was a simple thing, but it made me feel better). It used to seem fun to be able to go out and buy all new things. That is a delusion... especially when you are buying it to replace everything you lost. We almost have the new nursery set up. It is not the same, but it is a place to store his things and bring him after he is born.

I think if you were to look around our place, you would think we were just another couple in our mid-twenties preparing to have a baby. You would not readily see the chaos of the last two weeks. You would not see the sleepless nights and the paranoia of smoke and fire. You would not see the stress that this has put on our family. You couldn't see the devastation of losing a semester and likely a year of school after trying so hard to get this far. You would see perceived normal. And I guess that's what it is now.

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