Thursday, September 4, 2008

Signs

When I thought about leaving New York, I asked the universe for a sign. My immediate thought after that was that I would never know the sign anyway. It's cloudy today... it must be a sign. You can take any situation and interpret it to be whatever it is that you want it to mean. The next day, my wallet was stolen while I rode the train. It was a sign I understood. I left a little over a month later.

Two weeks before the fire, I saw smoke coming up from the direction of our house one day when I left school. I had been setting up my room and needed to run to Office Max. I panicked and drove up to Federal Way where I saw that the fire was likely around Gowen Field. My husband and I talked about what would happen if there were a fire and that I wanted the pets and the pictures. When you can only get a few things, I suppose these are the most important. I believed it could happen but didn't imagine it ever would.

The problem with believing in signs though is that sometimes things happen that may not have any meaning, but we assign meaning because of what is going on around us. When we looked at our rental, a fire truck pulled up to the house across the street. It was an event that didn't really involve me, but it still made me a little nervous. Likewise, as we were moving in today, the fire alarm started to go off. A faulty battery or wire. Given my current situation however, both things made me incredibly anxious and a little neurotic. Do I think they are signs? I don't know. The interesting thing is that the signs never make sense until later. Had I not been looking for a reason to leave New York, having my wallet stolen would have just been something that I dealt with living in Manhattan. Had my house not burned down, the fire two weeks before would not seem prophetic. They just would have been little blips in my life. Now they are events burned into my memory.

1 comment:

  1. Wow! What a powerful personal experience you have shared,Thank you. Even though we do not know each other, I am glad you decided to rebuild here in the neighbor hood. I hope things like sleep will get easier for you, but with your new one coming soon I am doubting you will sleep long periods without hearing the noise of your most special blessing, your infant son.Good luck. Love, Pam Crowell.

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