Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Preparing for baby

I am a planner. The most shocking thing to my friends and family was that I didn't have my planner with me when we were out running a couple of errands. I researched car seats to find the safest one (which has now been replaced and is ready to go in our hotel should we need it). I carefully thought out all the details of the nursery. I had researched cloth diapers and knew the exact sizes and weights for each kind. I would walk by my nursery in awe that this is where I would bring my son home.

We had also registered for birth classes, a 12-week series to prepare us for a natural childbirth. We had finished Week 8, and our birth plan was due (pardon the pun) the day after the fire.

For as prepared as I was to have a baby, for the sleepless nights, for the juggling of schedules, I now feel so disoriented. I can't think about a birth plan because the idea of laboring at home seems ironic and painful. Finding something to distract me in the early stages is laughable. I have no Friends DVDs to distract me. We have no games to play or magazines to read. I can't even consult one of my five pregnancy books about going into labor.

We have likely found a rental. It's still not the home I planned to bring my son home to. Even if we recreate the nursery as it was, it is still different. His freshly laundered clothes don't hang in the closet. His new ceiling fan doesn't hang in his room with blue stars for him to stare at. The basket of books doesn't sit there waiting to be read. The due date guesses from our shower are no longer waiting to be fulfilled.

Losing this home for my son is the hardest reality for me. We will rebuild our home. But it will never be the same.

3 comments:

  1. My advice - don't let them give you an IV at the hospital. You'll be less likely to scream for pain meds because it will take so long to get them without an IV. Oh, and I've got a season of Friends with your name written all over it. I'll find a way to get it to you. Natural childbirth is a cinch! (Okay, not really, but you can do it!)

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  2. I have three pregnancy books I'd be happy to send you if you haven't replaced them yet. You can email me or just post in the comments here, if you would like them.

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  3. Hello Brooke - I have a beautiful nursery bedding set with crib sheets, bumper, applique quilt, wall hangings, curtains, battery operated mobile and more if you don't already have that stuff yet. I was going to sell it all because it's in perfect condition, but I would LOVE to give them to you if you still need these things. They're unisex--jungle animals. I live in SE Boise and could show you the set to see if you like it.
    Please email me to let me know if you'd like to look at them, and my feelings won't be hurt if it's not your style. Leslie

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