Thursday, September 25, 2008

One month

Sometimes months fly by and you wonder where the time went. There are moments where I feel like this last month has flown by and just been a whirlwind. There are other moments where I feel as though I've lived a lifetime in the course of one short month. I think the rest of the time I just let time go by... certainly not as an idle participant but without thinking much about it. Some of the lessons of the last month:

- Living in a smaller community can be a great thing. I have seen such goodness in people, and it is amazing that it has continued as long as it has. I thought for sure that the community would have forgotten about us by now, but I continue to be amazed by the continued outpouring of support.

- Sometimes people react in ways you don't expect. We have been amazed by the people who have stepped up to help us. Family members who we don't talk to much have shown up to help while others have yet to call us even a month later. We have gotten cards and donations from acquaintances and strangers and yet some friends have remained distant, almost ignoring the loss. I have learned that family means more than who you are biologically related to. And my family has grown exponentially in the last month.

- I have learned that kids have such promise. We should never forget the idealism of a young child. Their hearts are the most innocent among us, and their approach to life has truly so much to teach those of us who are hardened by the realities of life.

- I need a home. I've always known that I liked being home more than not. I was born in July; I'm a cancer. We're home people. Even when I lived in New York, I would rather have stayed in my apartment than gone out every weekend. Perhaps it's why I decided to leave. Even though we have a place, it's not home... I won't allow it to be. Rebuilding our home will make me feel secure again, will give me a place to center myself. Maybe I need to learn how to find that center without a structure, but for now, that's what I need.

Had the fire not happened, I would be sitting around waiting for this baby, blissfully unaware of what life could have been. I don't want to say I'm glad that it happened because I'm not. And I don't think that coming out of it stronger makes it ok. But I do think that you have to take what you are given and make the best of it. This is our path now. And it's our job to make it through it... and be better for it.

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for sharing what you've learned. It's really inspirational. Congratulations on your son!